Contraband – why?
I’m sure that I’ve mentioned this before, but I really love movies. I’m probably one of the few people who can say that he has seen Attack of the Killer Tomatoes three times in the theater. It was an awful movie and the guys who were making it knew it was an awful movie. Contraband is not awful. It just isn’t that good. For me, this is disheartening. I love movies in which one character outsmarts everybody else. I can’t remember the first movie that I saw with that kind of formula, but the movie Hopscotch with Walter Matthau is the first one that I can think of off the top of my head. Of course, all of the James Bond-type movies are exactly like this.
Our hero, Mark Wahlberg, is a famous smuggler who has now gone legitimate. His brother-in-law, Andy, is played by Caleb Landry Jones, who is terrible in this movie. Jones’ character has gotten into the business and is in trouble. He has had to dump a shipment of cocaine and now the bad guys are after him. So far, we’ve seen this movie before. Mark Wahlberg to the rescue. He confronts the bad guys. Personally, I didn’t think the bad guys seemed to be all that bad. Why doesn’t our hero break open a can of whoop ass and call it a day? Well, for some reason, he doesn’t. Instead, he has to come up with some ungodly sum of money or badness will rain down on his family. He decides that he’s going to do one last run. Surprised?? He’s got a go to Panama and pick up some phony money. Up until now, the movie is somewhat believable. From here on out, you really need to suspend any connections with reality.
Once in Panama with his crew, our hero rushes to make the drop-off. Unfortunately, the counterfeit money is bad. It’s made with terrible paper and our hero has to go and find the big boss. The big boss is so laughable as a character that it almost completely ruins the movie. (Think of drug runner from Romancing the Stone who was supposed to be a parody of Latino druglords.) The big boss convinces our hero to help with a daylight assault on an armored vehicle (this just happens to be going down right now, great timing!!) which turns into a shooting match with the police. Everybody dies except for our hero and his smuggling buddy. Surprised? Our hero somehow comes away with a rolled-up drop cloth (turns out to be a Jackson Pollock painting) and loads of counterfeit money. Oh, did I mention that his best friend, who is supposed to be protecting our hero’s family back in Louisiana while he is in Panama dodging bullets, is actually the mastermind drug dealer behind the bad guys? He is the same best friend who tries to make a move on his wife. Kate Beckinsale, as the wife, is very nice to watch, but does almost nothing to help this bad script. He then somehow almost kills his wife, who we are supposed to believe is dead, but who is really not. Confused? Don’t be. The movie really divorces itself from reality. A wife who has been hit over the head, wrapped in plastic and then nearly drowned in wet cement can wake up in the hospital a couple hours later just fine.
If you like these kind of movies, check out last year’s Mechanic with Jason Statham or, from a few years back, Gone in 60 Seconds with Nicholas Cage. Both are much better movies. I give this movie a C - which probably reflects grade inflation.
(The commercials are highly deceptive and really do not give you any flavor for what the movie is about.)




*I saw the movie, The Book of Eli, last night. 
From 5 am – 7 am, I prepared for a lecture at 8 am to a group of paramedics. They wanted to chat about critical care. After the lecture, I sprinted home, took a shower, packed and drove to the airport. The best thing about living in a small city is that it takes no time to get to the airport. A little over three hours later, I was in NYC. There is nothing like flying into New York. Manhattan is simply beautiful to see from the air.


